Unbeflockinglievable: A Flocking Story
A flock of flamingos broke out of the Washington, D.C. Zoo and appear to be headed towards Paonia, Colorado traveling via KVNF's airwaves. They’re expected to land on the 90.9 frequency in Paonia on February 1st.
While the details of the birds' escape remains unclear, they’ve been identified as a group of activists out to give a leg up to community radio. Their activism tactics will include staging stand-ins in resident's front yards and employing the silent treatment.
“Being Washington Birds, it's no surprise that these hard, plastic, featherless foul can stand around all day without doing anything. They’re clearly motivated by money, and consistently respond to questions with silence,” says KVNF's Flocking Coordinator, Amber McDaniel. “However, these birds are having tremendous success with their message of support for KVNF, which is a fun and diverse part of the community, which provides essential connections and entertainment for residents in rural Western Colorado.”
These birds are only about 2 feet tall but bring an immeasurable message of joy and support for Community Radio everywhere they go. They’re fairly low-maintenance activists, requiring no food or water, the only thing they really care about is generating funds for Community Radio. The flock will arrive on community members’ yards in the middle of the night, stand up for public radio all day long and move on to their next stop before dark. Their legs are so small; after they depart you’ll hardly notice you’ve been flocked. However, the memories of your flocking will last a lifetime.
For your donation, KVNF will deploy a flock of flamingos onto the residence of your choice. A donation of $20 will deploy a small flock of 10 flamingos, a $30 donation will deploy a medium flock of 20 flamingos, and for a $40 donation we’ll send out the large flock of 30 flamingos. Flamingos can only land in single dwelling homes - apartments make them nervous.
Flocking is currently only available in the town of Paonia. Once the flock becomes comfortable they may be up for visiting other towns in the KVNF listening area. If you’d like to see the flock in your town, call Flocking Coordinator Amber McDaniel at 970-527-4866 or email email@example.com. If you really can’t stand the thought of flamingos appearing in your yard, you can purchase Flock-Block Insurance for a $10 donation.
Flocking is subject to the availability of the Flocking Squad and the flamingos’ flight path. Flocking will only be done in good humor, not with ill intentions. If you’re flocked and disturbed by the pink flamingos in your yard, just call the Flocking Coordinator and she’ll pick up and relocate the flock immediately.
Join in the fun, flock a friend today!